I know. I haven't posted anything recently. This is because a lot has happened, and I was very busy and distracted. But now that I've had a few moments rest, it's a good time to say that I haven't fallen off the Earth. And I also think it's about time to make a more personal blog entry.
Over the course of the last couple of months, I broke up with my girlfriend, was the best man at a wedding, and found out that my best friend was in a car accident. All of these things, and others, have been really teaching me a lot about life, and its not an easy process. I feel highly challenged in my personal growth as a person and as a Christian.
One of the things I'm really trying to figure out is a concept that everyone else seems to understand fairly well, but I continually struggle with. And that is the concept of love. Well, the concept isn't so difficult, but the definition can be. What I mean is, how do you know that you love someone? I'm referring to anyone, be it your parents, your friends, your spouse, your relatives. What makes you sure that you love them? And for that matter, can you ever be sure? Is believing you love somebody enough to make it true?
I believe that I do love my parents, for example, but I don't say that to them very much (I'm trying to do it more). I believe that I love my friends, but I never say it. And why? I don't even know why. The only explanations that I have seem to be that either I am afraid, uncertain or unqualified to make such a statement. The reading in church today (which prompted this post) was the one in which Jesus says "No one has greater love than to lay down his own life for his friends" (John 15:13), and although that seems like a good starting point, it isn't easily applicable in everyday life.
I often remind myself of that scene in the movie Ghost where Demi Moore's character tells Patrick Swayze's character that she loves him. He can't say it back since he knows that people everywhere say it and don't mean it all the time. Even though it's very obvious from the rest of the movie that he really does love her, it seems like he is stuck on the same concept as me, which prevents him from telling her that he loves her. This makes me think its more a psychological issue than an intellectual one both in the movie and in my life.
My reflection today on the verse led me toward the thought that if the greatest love is when you lay down your life for a friend, then this would imply that there are different degrees of love for another person. If what Jesus is talking about is the greatest love, then maybe there is such a thing as great love, or even good love, or just simply love, and its all just different kinds or different degrees, or different amounts. So I have a few friends where maybe I would hesitate to actually take a bullet for them. But I'm thinking now, as I write this, that it does not therefore mean that I don't love them. And this seems to be what I'm trying to internalise and believe, but I haven't been able to fully do that yet.
Anyway, I would "LOVE" to hear what other people's concepts of knowledge of love are in the above context. And please don't start talking about the three kinds of love using Latin terminology okay? I'm talking about real love for another person with with whom you have a relationship, love in its most general and basic kernel, whatever that means.
Daniel
6 comments:
hmmm ...
I see love in another way. Love the action and love the emotion. In the former case, it is a willful and deliberate act. So for instance if one is married, then one should love his/her partner, whether one wants to or not.
Love the emotion is pretty straight forward. It's the appreciation of another's character to the point that you want to express it. It often feels good too: "Being in love". But it doesn't last. I don't buy that people who have been together for 40 years were in love the whole time. But I believe that they tried to love each other as much as they could.
I love my son, sometimes it's easy, he's being very cute, and I feel a strong bond to him. Other times he's throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store and I'm very frustrated, so I have to choose to love him and do what's best for him.
In a biblical sense you can think of John 14:15 "If you love me you will keep my commandments". In the context of love the emotion, it seems that some sort of magical impulse would come over you to do good, but in the context of love the action, you can see that having made the choice to love Jesus, it implies that we would choose to follow his commands.
In the case of any relationship, you start with love the emotion, but it is sustained by love the action.
my 2 cents
RW
Well, I know you don't want the "different kinds of love" stuff, but I would highly recommend reading "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis. Also, if you're looking for more Biblical reading, 1 John is always a favourite of mine; and Cor 13 is always the pop fav.
Now, as far as my thoughts...
Not to sound over-dramatic, but I would say that your question is THE question, and Jesus is the answer. "God is love." The reason He came was to show this perfect love to us.
When Jesus said there is no greater love, he was prepairing his disciples for his ultimate act of love. Jesus knew fully that he had to die, and he did because he loves them (and us). This does not mean that dying is always the greatest love. Only God's omniscience allows him to make that call.
With this in mind, there is definitely different levels of (real) love. Since we are imperfect beings, we can only imitate imperfectly the perfect love. In fact (to get theological), I believe that by ourselves, we cannot love at all: it is only by having Christ live through us by the Spirit that lets us love like him (cf Cor 13 and Gal 5). In this sense, it is most certainly ineffiable.
Pratically, as Christians, it is still our calling to act out love as taught by Christ, hence the love-as-action idea. But in the end: "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us..."
Aside (how do we prove we love someone?): consider Peter's words "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
WHAT GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!?!?!Um...hello..
Welcome back danno!
You shoudl come to visit liz and I in Ottawa. Maybe for Canada day, maybe for Feast... I don't know but you should come.
Anyway I think you might be taking the 'take a bullet' love a bit to literally. I've always taken the line to 'lay down your life for a friend' to mean your willingness to put their interests, feelings and desires before your own to make them happy.
This seems fairly consistent with Christs teachings in that if everyone did this we'd all love each other and get along fine. Unfortunately real life and real like jackasses step in and screw things up. Surely we've all made other people's life unpleasent from time to time even friends.
The point is to try and keep other people's wants in mind.
That said... I'd take a bullet for ya man!
enjoy the moments.......
If it's love in an every-day setting, maybe think about what types of sacrifices you're willing to make in your own life, progress, career, whatever for someone else? How much pleasure do you get from seeing someone else happy, and how much personal, maybe emotional pain are you willing to go through? For example if you're a parent you sacrifice a lot of your own friendships and maybe something in your career in order to spend time with your children. It maybe out of duty but don't we feel duty out of love for someone else? An example would be duty to your parents is out of love for them, even if it's not on the surface. I suppose a counter example is duty at work but as you've said, it might be from love of your job or love of yourself and the progress you're making.
There was another deeper train of thought in there but I've lost it.
Cheers!
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